inspirethefire | VOICE MAIL

[THERE WAS A CALL. Kiyotaka hung up after the second ring when he realized he didn't know what he wanted to say. But it had been a few days since failed revolutions, and he still felt so directionless. A lonely feeling he could only hope to be understood by someone who had stood alongside him at the time.

If only he could manage the words.

But it wasn't long after the call that he came knocking at Hajime's door instead.]

[Maybe he wouldn't answer the door. Maybe it was someone here to mock him. Maybe he could lie here until everyone forgot what a colossal fuckup he was. Maybe he was being a self-pitying little shit.

Opening the door brought a few drops of relief, under fresh waves of shame. However bad Hajime felt, Kiyotaka looked worse.]

Ishimaru...ah...you...

[Whatever words he wanted to say, they all felt inadequate. He almost wished Kiyotaka was here to blame him.]

Would you like to come in?

[He just kind of hovers around the entrance, brimming with uncertainty. Now that he's here facing Hajime, he's not really sure what the point is. There's nothing he can really say to change anything, so why bother?]

...I don't really know why I'm here. I'm... sorry to bother you like this.

N-no, it's fine. I...

[He's simply at a loss for words, looking at Kiyotaka. It felt wrong, completely wrong to see his spirit as it was--like a struggling tealight dying in the wind.]

I was... hoping to see you.

You were?

[Why would anyone want to see him after all that? Unless it's to mock him, and Hajime isn't that kind of guy. Maybe he just had that same indescribable need to be with someone who understood. Either way, he finally steps inside the dorm, straightening his back and trying to look like he's at attention.]

Right. What did you need?

[The attempt at composure was paltry at best. They could only fake and force their way through their distress for so long. Hajime needed to face his guilt head on.

Shutting the door behind Ishimaru, he ducked into a deep bow before his friend.]

I needed to apologize. I... all this would not have happened if I hadn't goaded you into it. You've every right to blame me for all of it.

No, don't...!

[He put his hands to Hajime's shoulders to nudge him back upright. He couldn't take this, he didn't deserve it after that disgrace.]

All you did was speak the truth. The school is corrupt, I still believe that, but we... I couldn't overcome it... Everything I stood for taken away in an instant for daring to do what was right! I'm the one who failed you! Failed everyone! I...

[Shouldn't be saying so much.]

Now what...?

[As much as he wanted to argue, to insist that this was his fault, that he shouldn't have pressed when he was so emotionally vulnerable, that he had tried to rush in without a proper plan... it wouldn't get them anywhere. What mattered was not the past, but the recovery.]

Now... now we... reevaluate. Throw away our old presumptions, and... consider for the future...

[His voice broke. The attempt at cool and calm planning made him feel sick. He'd been speaking from the disconnect and logic he knew, that he fell back on so easily.]

Ish...Ishimaru, you have to know that you're so much more than some... some title, given to you by this place!

It's more than just a title! It is more than simply... a position at this school. It was witnessing injustices firsthand that moved me to take an interest in maintaining public morals in the first place. I dedicated my entire life to my role!! I earned national recognition across the entire Japanese academic system! I had respect, and hope, and... I was making a difference!! I truly was!

[It's not hard to pick out his rising enthusiasm as he speaks, fists clench and posture straightening like just thinking about it gets him all fired up and ready to do good again. But then he deflates instantly.]

...I had nothing before that. I'll never have it back, and this disgrace will always follow me. Please, don't call it just some title.

But that's what I'm saying!

[It had nearly been back, the embers of pride and faith glowing, but not enough before they were scattered once more.]

All that passion, all that will to do right, it doesn't need an arm band to make it real, to make it part of who you are. All these people can take from you is what they gave you--it's just labels and words!

The person who worked so endlessly, who gained all that respect and determination and passion, he's still right here in front of me! You've got the brightest, most brilliant spirit I've ever seen, a will to overcome like no other. These people have no say in that.

[He still doesn't believe it. He knows it goes deeper than that, that he's gone and wrecked his entire future with this, too. Nobody's going to take him seriously with this on his record. Did he even have a future to begin with, trapped in his miserable city? It's not much of a second chance at life if he can never go back to the one he had.

Still, he's desperate. He wants to give Hajime a chance, or at least not drag him down into despair with him.]

How... How can I overcome even this...?

[It wasn't working, he could see it wasn't, but it had to. He just needed Kiyotaka to see, to understand all he had left to him.]

By seeing it as an opportunity. You've built yourself so far with the support of the schools left behind you, but this is your chance to expand beyond those boundaries you were raised upon! You're now free of the restraints the system put on you, and you can pursue justice in whatsoever way you see fit!

[He just needed a little bit of a push. A little bit of shared motivation, just a bit of that faith Hajime had in him. Just... to stoke the fire a little bit...]

Trust in yourself, in the knowledge and experience that got you this far, and see where your gut takes you! Take this opportunity, and explore your freedom as Kiyotaka Ishimaru, a man who defines himself!

[Freedom.

Now there was thing he never thought he'd truly experience (beyond the sweet privilege to leave this school and go outside whenever he wanted). It never used to bother him - rules and regulations kept people safe and sound, and routine and responsibility kept him busy enough to keep his mind from wandering down any dark paths. But with all the free time he had now, he could only spend so much rehashing the same textbook lessons again and again before he became frustrated.

But he was going about it all wrong. He really should make the most of this newfound freedom...

But not as Kiyotaka Ishimaru. That man was dead, the life taken from him along with his duties. He would redefine himself, reinvent himself, and leave behind everything that held him back before - including that name. Ishimaru... a name only fitting for someone who fell from grace in foolish naivete. It was time to break that chain.]

I'm free...

[He bowed his head, repeating the words like a mantra until they could become a part of his very soul.]

I'm free... I'm free, I'm free, I'm free...

I'm...

[And he threw his head back with a scream.]

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[Yes, yes! Finally, the flames were rising, catching, that confidence rising up the way Hajime had known they would--well, okay, maybe a little different, but it was like he'd known, Ishimaru just needed to find a different w

[what]

[WHAT]

I...Ishi...maru...?

[What a rush. He felt more alive than he had in days-- no, since even before the revolution. This was the feeling he remembered from Hope's Peak, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. And he would rise again here, burning brighter than ever! Gone were the days of fretting over duties and public appearances. He had nothing more to lose.

He really was free, and it felt great.]

You're right!! What am I doing wasting my time moping around?!

Y...yes, right, but...

[Holy balls, he's never seen a spirit go nuclear like that. Hajime squints a moment against the sheer blinding brightness of the insane inferno before him. That... that's definitely not supposed to happen, what's... going on...]

Maybe you should... compose yourself, a moment, I, uh....

What're you talking about?! I'm composed... The exact picture of composition!!

Now get outta my way. I've got this freedom to explore, just like you said!

[Hajime steps in front of the door on reflex.]

N-no, I... think we should definitely sit and talk a little longer, Ishimaru.

[Hajime that is pretty much the opposite of what he just told you to do. Come on, man, get it together.]

There's nothing left to talk about! Move your ass!

[He is so not getting it together he is freaking out real bad]

There are so many things to talk about, we can talk for a long time! About our feelings. I'm interested in your feelings, Ishimaru, they're so much... not like the ones you had a moment ago.

Edited 2014-02-27 08:16 (UTC)

Feelings?! You're going soft! Those never got anybody anywhere!

Edited 2014-02-28 14:40 (UTC)

That, that's definitely not true, like at all. What--

[ Okay no time to get serious. Deep breath, straight back. ]

You're talking like a completely different person! Come to your senses!

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