inspirethefire | VOICE MAIL

She... doesn't have many people she can talk to.

[Zero did his best, but being Zero, he wasn't exactly a wellspring of words. In his way, there was an implied thank you for Hajime. Even if he thought it wasn't much, being able to help another person and speak to them meant worlds to a cyber-elf.

He leaned forward in the chair and propped his elbows on his knees, staring unblinkingly at the other robot as he waited for him to acclimatize. While the reploid could've started tuning up Hajime's knees, Zero figured it was probably for the best that he didn't bombard him with too many alien sensations at once. But there was a long pause as he searched for something else to say.]

Your operation... it wasn't a failure. You should know this. The captives were freed, the means to enslave them was destroyed, and everyone made it out alive...

No mission comes with a 100% chance of success. There's always a cost. You just weren't prepared for this one.

O-oh... I... well. I'm glad I got to meet her, then...

[Though he hadn't spent much time thinking on it, if he'd been questioned before all this, Hajime would have said the number of robot faculty and students was a bit high. Thinking of it as them being the only people who could see or speak with you, though... it put the number in a severely different light.

If Zero's intention was to distract and reassure him, it was a bit misplaced. All Hajime had been doing was think about the operation, for days on end. The attempt at assuaging his guilt simply put him back into it, with the added distraction of foreign energy buzzing through and confusing him.]

I know... I should be happy. Things came out better than worse. This, this body, it's... it's a more than fair exchange, in the grand scheme of things.

I want to be happy, for the creatures we helped, for everyone who worked so hard and came out of it all right. I keep telling myself I ought to be. But I just keep going on feeling terrible. L-like everything everyone did wasn't good enough, and, and I'm too selfish to appreciate it.

Edited 2015-03-22 09:34 (UTC)

[Zero lowered his head in thought, and took a moment to answer.]

Everyone... did their best on that mission.

[Which was a change of tone from how frustrated and exasperated he was during the mission itself. But what happened, happened. And Zero couldn't deny that every person went in with the intention to stop Eggman's production, and did so to the furthest extent of their abilities, however much they varied.]

It's easy for me to wish I fought alone. Ever since X's been gone, that's how I operated my missions. All I can trust in battle is my own ability... But I still can't do anything without support. I've tried, but it was... empty.

[Zero sighed. Or he simulated a sigh, seeing how he didn't need to breathe. It felt heavy, all the same.]

If I had gotten there faster, I could've saved you.... I was too slow.

But there's nothing anyone can do to change the past. Dwelling on it is a trap... it curses you. It dulls your will. All I can do now is help you get through this. All you can do is move forward.

Edited 2015-03-22 21:41 (UTC)

[He started to jerk forward, to refute Zero's claims--he'd done everything he could, it wouldn't have been possible without him, he didn't have to hold back just to spare Hajime's feelings, he knew the truth--but the connection in his cord warned against moving too much. Uncomfortably, he settled back into the charging bed.]

I suppose... I suppose we all have regrets. Some... some more than others. I shouldn't be acting like--

[He's been acting so selfishly this whole time, avoiding responsibility, like he had it worse than everyone else...

But that's not what Zero's trying to say. The past is so hard to shake off, it seems to encompass everything. The future...]

What am I... supposed to move forward to? I can't be an ouendan anymore... my, my academic career is wrecked, my family... the business, I can't... like this...

Even if you've lost your sight, you have a body that can do things your old one could not. You have a new perspective to see the world though. It's not nothing.

If I could change from what I was meant to be... then you can find a way to do the most good, however you can. You will find a path.

[Spoken with full confidence. In Zero's mind, it wasn't a matter of maybes. Hajime had to, and therefore he would - because the alternative was going back into that closet to rust.]

[That's right... Zero had been made for another purpose, originally. If a robot could break away from its programmed intent, then... he had no excuse, did he?]

It... it took me so long, to find the ouendan. I'd started to believe there was nothing I was good at. When I learned about cheering, it was... even if I wasn't any good at it, it was like something no one else could do, but me. Like... like I was made for it.

Reprogramming myself... it's going to take a while.

Made for it, huh...

[Interesting choice of words, considering Hajime was referring to his decidedly human past. But beyond echoing him, Zero did not comment on the parallels.]

I suppose we're still in the same boat.

[Because despite Zero's innate mastery of combat, without a war to fight, he was just a fish out of water. Awkward, constantly on edge, emotionally detatched, and unable to integrate into normal society - he felt useless like this. Peace was all he ever wanted, but he didn't know how to live with it.]

You don't have to rush it. Being able to take care of yourself comes first.

Sure... I guess I can't just hide in closets until a reason to live comes and finds me...

[Considering how much he'd harped on robots only being able to perform their programmed duties, Hajime sure was a wreck now supposedly stripped of his perceived purpose.]

I'll find a way that doesn't involve using up all of your space. Sorry.

[Have you seen his room? It consisted of a charging bed, a chair, a table with a school laptop on it, some maintenance tools and bunch of energy crystals being stored in a corner. Completely bare bones. By no means did it look lived in at all.

Zero looked mildly amused that Hajime would thought that using his charging bed was an imposition, all things considered. Dryly, he remarked:]

It doesn't bother me. I barely take time off to be around, anyway.

[Well yeah, that means he's taking up what little Zero uses the room for.]

Still... you've done more than enough for me already. You're always so busy, without me taking up your time.

...I said it before, but. Really... thank you. For, for everything.

[Don't sweat it, he can live off the energy crystals no problem. Zero shrugged. No one had really forced the workload onto him - he had a feeling that even if he did nothing all day, he'd still be employed. It was really just to fill his time with something that felt familiar. In a way, it was a bit of an escape.]

While you were in that closet, the school finally hired another security guard. Someone I know from back home. If we don't kill each other first, having him around might help.

[This person sounds like a super good friend who hasn't tried to demolish him several times.

Shaking his head a little, Zero looked away, unsure of how to accept a second helping of gratitude. Once was already enough, two was starting to make him feel a little uncomfortable. But perhaps that feeling was a little familiar, too.]

I told you, it's fine. This is...

[An uncertain expression crossed his face, like he was searching for a word or a memory and it was just out of his grasp. Something to give this nebulous feeling form.]

I suppose this is... nostalgic.

[Looking down to the metal tubing of fingers entwined over his chest, Hajime wondered if it really could be called fine.

He doesn't know a whole lot about Zero, but what he does know is... tragic, at best. There's been a lot of putting the needs of others first, a lot of accepting terrible things on his own for the sake of a bigger picture.]

Well... I know how much you prefer to work alone. And I don't want to get in your way anymore.

Th-though... if I can ever do anything to make it up to you... all of it, I mean, that I... w-well, just... don't hesitate to ask.

[He can't much imagine anything Zero could need his help with, but he needs to put it out there. Just in case.]

[Zero was quiet for a moment as he absorbed Hajime's words. It's true, in a practical sense there was little Hajime could do that Zero couldn't simply do by himself. But Zero also knew that being truly alone, having no one there to support you or to remind you what you were fighting for... it was harsh, and bitter, an unending desert.

But Hajime, being how he was, wasn't likely to accept that simply being around Zero was enough. Absently, the reploid reached for the tool kit, and sorted through what he'd need to help tune up the other robot's knees.]

...Two hundred years ago, Rock dreamed of humans and robots living together in peace. His... 'younger' brother, X, dreamed the same thing a hundred years later.

They're both gone, by my time. It's... [Unfair? Ironic? Fate playing some cruel game? Zero frowned.]

As much as I miss him... he left me a dream to see through.

[Zero raised his gaze back up, meeting Hajime's emotieyes.]

It's enough that you'd offer, but... you never had to do anything for me. Knowing you see differently... gives me hope that two hundred years' of fighting won't be in vain.

[Rock... friendly, earnest, dedicated Rock, that same one...? With enough time in the academy, Hajime had gotten a little more used to the idea of crisscrossing timelines between people. However, the idea of someone being here that should be gone still disturbed him, even after Kiyotaka--likely, even moreso.

Zero had lived a very long time, and lost a lot more, and seemed to be living with a lot more reminders.]

It took an awful lot, for me to finally see things a little better.

[Up until the very last moment, he'd been so very sure of what he knew. His emotiface flickered a wry parenthesis of a smile.]

Roboticizing dissenters into seeing the error of their ways seems like the wrong way to go at it.

[Zero raised a brow. Well, Hajime must've been feeling at least a little better if he managed to actually get a wry remark out.

There wasn't even a hint of a grin on Zero's face, but that probably made it all the more jarring when he deadpanned, stone-faced and dry:]

Desperate times.

[Before Hajime could probably process that Zero was capable of anything resembling sass, the reploid gestured at his leg.]

Lift your knee up.

[The response, delivered so flatly, startled Hajime for a moment. If he didn't catch that little glimmer in Zero's soul, he may not have properly put it together for what it was.

He lifted his knee compliantly, watching Zero.]

You tell jokes.

[That might be stretching it.]

[Stretching it, yes. But maybe someday his memories of being a cocky, snarky wiseass will come back.

Zero, face ever unchanging, simply focused on the task of detaching Hajime's knee plate.]

I wouldn't go that far.

It's the first time I've seen any humor out of you, though.

[He leaned back into the charging bed, plates shifting into a furrowed brow.]

Well. The first time I noticed it. [He wasn't exactly paying attention before.]

[Zero shrugged, already plenty familiar with how skewed perceptions could be when others looked at him.]

People see what they want to see.

[That wasn't meant to be a jab at Hajime, though - it was an occurrence long before the student ever entered the picture, an inevitability. The reploid gave a quick glance up at him, before returning back to work, adding:]

Even before I knew who I was, people had formed opinions about what I was supposed to be. What I'm capable of.

It's no different for most robots.

[It wasn't meant to be, though Hajime couldn't help but take it as such. For someone so keen on peoples' inner lives, he did a lot of looking at things on the surface.

Zero's words, though... it wasn't a problem limited to robots. Likely a little worse for them, though.]

I... think I can relate, a little bit. Not on the same level, probably, but...

Well. It's nice, to be surprised, anyway.

[It was a difficult feat to really claim to know the entirety of someone, and all that lay beneath the surface. Indeed, despite his assessment of the student, Zero had no knowledge of what Hajime had gone through prior to this school, and how it affected him.

After a thoughtful pause, he asked:]

Tell me.

About yourself.

[He was perfectly good at listening, if nothing else.]

Ah, about...?

[Well, it was a way to fill the time and distract himself from someone operating on his knee. Still, he had to take a moment to think of anything that could possibly sound interesting to a robot who had lived for hundreds of years.]

I, um... well, I... my parents made a name for themselves, in business. Everyone back home calls them geniuses, starting off on their own and succeeding so quickly, and... well, I'm the oldest, so. Everyone seems to know who I am and where I'm going to end up.

It, it's not as bad as all that, with you... I mean, sort of similar, not the, the same sort of, you know.

[Born to live up to another's legacy, nonetheless. With the hopes of their family's business riding on him, Hajime still chose another path.]

Your parents... were they good people?

[It was a genuine inquiry, more than just filling the air with small talk. What it was like to have parents at all was an alien concept to Zero. But he could easily imagine someone who went against how they were raised if the people who created them were evil in purpose - that probably wasn't the case with Hajime, though.]

I... guess so. Y-yeah, they are. They're just... distant. They didn't like me joining the squad, but they didn't stop me, either.

[Sometimes he's thought it would be easier if they did outright reject him, so he could claim them to be terrible people and reject their concerns outright.]

I've been here a while, so... they're putting more pressure on my brothers to take over, just in case.

Brothers...

[Zero echoed the word like it was foreign to him. Rock had been the only robot he'd ever known that used the term to address other machines made by the same creator. Most mass produced reploids felt no real sense of family towards others of the same make or origin - they only had the jobs they were built for. The closest thing he could really relate to was seeing the maternal presence of Dr. Ciel towards the reploids of the Resistance group that found him - but even then, Zero wouldn't exactly call her family.]

So... he was the one I saw in your memory.

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