inspirethefire | VOICE MAIL

His spirit...

[Hajime went quiet for a long stretch, thinking hard on that word. Finally, he loosened his grip on his knees, just a little.]

Croire... thank you. You've been very helpful. Could you do one last thing for me?

[Oh! Excited to be able to do something else for Hajime, Croire bobbed up and down eagerly.]

Yes! I'm here to help!

...Could you go tell Zero I'm sorry?

[He knows he needs to say it himself, to his face, but... ugh. He feels like such a child.]

[That was easy enough. Croire nodded dutifully and zipped away, through the closet door and out to where Zero had been leaning against the wall, to deliver the message.

Of course, she didn't need to - Zero was a pretty good listener, after all. And there wasn't much else to do while he was waiting for some sign from inside the closet. The kid was ashamed, depressed, uncertain and scared of his new body. All pretty understandable things, in the wake of all that had happened. He knew he couldn't take that weight away from Hajime - just one of many things that were out of his control. But that didn't mean it was going to dissuade the reploid from trying to help however he could, one step at a time.

Slowly, the opened the door and wordlessly extended a hand out to Hajime. And while his expression was as stoic as it ever was, the soul he housed pulsed brightly with faith. It was a calm, steady spark that carried itself with steadfast conviction, despite its wounded aura. No matter what Hajime had said to him in the past, Zero still held onto his trust in his partner, his dream, and in humankind. And that meant the trust was extended to Hajime as well, no matter what his form.

He was just never that good with words, is all.]

[If the best of people had trouble interpreting Zero's thoughts, Hajime was of no use at all, in no small part due to months of outright disregard. After what had happened on the ship, though, he could make his guesses as to what came next: irritation, impatience, disgust... pity, at absolute best.

The hand reached out to him, and he stared at it. Zero had so many reasons, practical and personal, not to bother himself with Hajime. There were so many better things to do.

Hajime took the hand, clumsily getting back to his feet. Still, he pulled back once standing, shrinking against the mops and rags. Though Zero was much shorter, Hajime felt so much smaller.

His vocal processor crackled when he spoke. "Thank you."

[Though his thanks weren't necessary, if Hajime wished to give them, Zero would accept it. With a small nod, he acknowledged the words and all that it took for the roboticized student to say them.]

It's fine.

[Then, he took a step to leave, and glanced back over at Hajime to follow him.]

Come.

[It was a firm request, though his tone wasn't harsh. Zero wasn't going to leave him to his own devices until Hajime was in proper functioning shape.]

[It wasn't fine. The thanks were the absolute least Hajime ought to give Zero. Enough had happened by now, it hardly felt like enough.

Zero wasn't the sort to waste time arguing about what recognition he deserved, though. He had bigger things to do than be appreciated. It was... a selfless way of being. Old, deep-rooted biases still murmured of programming.

Finally, Hajime stepped out into the hallway, still shrunk in on himself, but ready to follow. He could see, now, how much faith Zero had in others. Maybe he just didn't have much for himself.]

[Once he was certain Hajime would follow, Zero lead him away from the broom closet and down the hall, not once looking back at him. They walked in tense, awkward silence - though for the reploid, 'tense, awkward and silent' more or less summed up his day to day existence. He'd grown accustomed to it, and was as comfortable with this state of being as he could manage.

It didn't take long for them to reach his room. Zero opened the door and gestured over to the charging bed with a tilt of his head. Hajime was going to have to figure out how to do this sooner or later. Might as well be now.]

Sit down.

[~~yes, come to his bed, he will teach you the ways of your body~~

Awkward tense silence was better than awkward tense forced conversation, at least by a little. Following someone else suited him just fine for now.

Still, in his limited experience, the charging bed reminded him more of something that experiments lay on, in movies and things, or maybe a dentist office. Something ought to be rising from it stiffly, an amalgam of madness and misplaced intentions.

Hajime did sit, albeit with tightly clasped hands and LED eyes darting around nervously. Robot stuff, man, it's all electricity and wires and power tools, right??????]

[Zero looked over at Croire, who floated faithfully behind him, and gave her slight nod. Despite the subtlety of the gesture, she knew exactly what he wanted - after being together so long, she was completely accustomed to the smallest detail of his body language. Her body broke down into shining fragments of data as she downloaded herself into his helmet, and sent what data she had on Hajime's body directly into his head.

Zero was no mechanic, but he at least understood the basics of the analysis she sent him. Where to plug Hajime in for recharging, for one. Look at that, built in cords. He'd have to adjust the recharging bed's power to accommodate his specs, but luckily, the student was fairly compatible to crystal energy.

He walked over to the console beside the bed to input the new settings, before reaching for a cable to connect to Hajime's headband cords.]

Try to relax.

[Words spoken in vain, but it felt like Zero was obligated to say something before he plugged Hajime into the machine. He did his best to be careful, at least - no yanking of the head or sudden movements. Zero could only hope that Hajime would react well to the sudden surge of energy.]

[He found it fairly ironic, seeing as he couldn't be much of an ouendan anymore, yet his symbol for it was still functionally stuck to him. Clearly more evidence that this was all a big joke at his expense. ~~CRAWWWWLING INNNNN HIS SKINNNNNN~~

Despite nodding to Zero's advice, Hajime only managed to tense up even further in anxious anticipation of whatever was to come. Low on power and in a constantly drained state, the energy hit him like a truck.]

Waaaahaaaaagngghh--

[Wires thrummed through hi,, boosting sluggish, low-powered systems to whirring life.]

Ahhh, aaaahaaaahhh is this, is this supposed to--oh god. Everything is buzzing. Is this how it's supposed to be?

You get used to it.

[Again, it would've been a lot easier if Hajime had been asleep for this, but since he insisted on staying awake, this is what he got. The buzzing would eventually get drowned out into a more manageable background hum, but he really did have to try to loosen up for that to happen. The more Hajime fixated on the feeling, the longer it would stay with him.

Meanwhile, Zero pulled up a chair and the maintainence kit he kept for his own tune ups. It'd probably help if he did something to distract Hajime, but his bedside manner was pretty unpracticed. Well, he could attempt conversation maybe?]

So... Croire seems to like you.

[The entirely alien feeling of an electric energy source certainly helped to make the sensation feel bigger than it was. It would take him a while to get used to it.]

Oh... oh, she...? I didn't really do much... th-that's, uh, nice to hear, I guess...

[It was a good thing he was on the bed, as it was starting to give him a serious head rush.]

She... doesn't have many people she can talk to.

[Zero did his best, but being Zero, he wasn't exactly a wellspring of words. In his way, there was an implied thank you for Hajime. Even if he thought it wasn't much, being able to help another person and speak to them meant worlds to a cyber-elf.

He leaned forward in the chair and propped his elbows on his knees, staring unblinkingly at the other robot as he waited for him to acclimatize. While the reploid could've started tuning up Hajime's knees, Zero figured it was probably for the best that he didn't bombard him with too many alien sensations at once. But there was a long pause as he searched for something else to say.]

Your operation... it wasn't a failure. You should know this. The captives were freed, the means to enslave them was destroyed, and everyone made it out alive...

No mission comes with a 100% chance of success. There's always a cost. You just weren't prepared for this one.

O-oh... I... well. I'm glad I got to meet her, then...

[Though he hadn't spent much time thinking on it, if he'd been questioned before all this, Hajime would have said the number of robot faculty and students was a bit high. Thinking of it as them being the only people who could see or speak with you, though... it put the number in a severely different light.

If Zero's intention was to distract and reassure him, it was a bit misplaced. All Hajime had been doing was think about the operation, for days on end. The attempt at assuaging his guilt simply put him back into it, with the added distraction of foreign energy buzzing through and confusing him.]

I know... I should be happy. Things came out better than worse. This, this body, it's... it's a more than fair exchange, in the grand scheme of things.

I want to be happy, for the creatures we helped, for everyone who worked so hard and came out of it all right. I keep telling myself I ought to be. But I just keep going on feeling terrible. L-like everything everyone did wasn't good enough, and, and I'm too selfish to appreciate it.

Edited 2015-03-22 09:34 (UTC)

[Zero lowered his head in thought, and took a moment to answer.]

Everyone... did their best on that mission.

[Which was a change of tone from how frustrated and exasperated he was during the mission itself. But what happened, happened. And Zero couldn't deny that every person went in with the intention to stop Eggman's production, and did so to the furthest extent of their abilities, however much they varied.]

It's easy for me to wish I fought alone. Ever since X's been gone, that's how I operated my missions. All I can trust in battle is my own ability... But I still can't do anything without support. I've tried, but it was... empty.

[Zero sighed. Or he simulated a sigh, seeing how he didn't need to breathe. It felt heavy, all the same.]

If I had gotten there faster, I could've saved you.... I was too slow.

But there's nothing anyone can do to change the past. Dwelling on it is a trap... it curses you. It dulls your will. All I can do now is help you get through this. All you can do is move forward.

Edited 2015-03-22 21:41 (UTC)

[He started to jerk forward, to refute Zero's claims--he'd done everything he could, it wouldn't have been possible without him, he didn't have to hold back just to spare Hajime's feelings, he knew the truth--but the connection in his cord warned against moving too much. Uncomfortably, he settled back into the charging bed.]

I suppose... I suppose we all have regrets. Some... some more than others. I shouldn't be acting like--

[He's been acting so selfishly this whole time, avoiding responsibility, like he had it worse than everyone else...

But that's not what Zero's trying to say. The past is so hard to shake off, it seems to encompass everything. The future...]

What am I... supposed to move forward to? I can't be an ouendan anymore... my, my academic career is wrecked, my family... the business, I can't... like this...

Even if you've lost your sight, you have a body that can do things your old one could not. You have a new perspective to see the world though. It's not nothing.

If I could change from what I was meant to be... then you can find a way to do the most good, however you can. You will find a path.

[Spoken with full confidence. In Zero's mind, it wasn't a matter of maybes. Hajime had to, and therefore he would - because the alternative was going back into that closet to rust.]

[That's right... Zero had been made for another purpose, originally. If a robot could break away from its programmed intent, then... he had no excuse, did he?]

It... it took me so long, to find the ouendan. I'd started to believe there was nothing I was good at. When I learned about cheering, it was... even if I wasn't any good at it, it was like something no one else could do, but me. Like... like I was made for it.

Reprogramming myself... it's going to take a while.

Made for it, huh...

[Interesting choice of words, considering Hajime was referring to his decidedly human past. But beyond echoing him, Zero did not comment on the parallels.]

I suppose we're still in the same boat.

[Because despite Zero's innate mastery of combat, without a war to fight, he was just a fish out of water. Awkward, constantly on edge, emotionally detatched, and unable to integrate into normal society - he felt useless like this. Peace was all he ever wanted, but he didn't know how to live with it.]

You don't have to rush it. Being able to take care of yourself comes first.

Sure... I guess I can't just hide in closets until a reason to live comes and finds me...

[Considering how much he'd harped on robots only being able to perform their programmed duties, Hajime sure was a wreck now supposedly stripped of his perceived purpose.]

I'll find a way that doesn't involve using up all of your space. Sorry.

[Have you seen his room? It consisted of a charging bed, a chair, a table with a school laptop on it, some maintenance tools and bunch of energy crystals being stored in a corner. Completely bare bones. By no means did it look lived in at all.

Zero looked mildly amused that Hajime would thought that using his charging bed was an imposition, all things considered. Dryly, he remarked:]

It doesn't bother me. I barely take time off to be around, anyway.

[Well yeah, that means he's taking up what little Zero uses the room for.]

Still... you've done more than enough for me already. You're always so busy, without me taking up your time.

...I said it before, but. Really... thank you. For, for everything.

[Don't sweat it, he can live off the energy crystals no problem. Zero shrugged. No one had really forced the workload onto him - he had a feeling that even if he did nothing all day, he'd still be employed. It was really just to fill his time with something that felt familiar. In a way, it was a bit of an escape.]

While you were in that closet, the school finally hired another security guard. Someone I know from back home. If we don't kill each other first, having him around might help.

[This person sounds like a super good friend who hasn't tried to demolish him several times.

Shaking his head a little, Zero looked away, unsure of how to accept a second helping of gratitude. Once was already enough, two was starting to make him feel a little uncomfortable. But perhaps that feeling was a little familiar, too.]

I told you, it's fine. This is...

[An uncertain expression crossed his face, like he was searching for a word or a memory and it was just out of his grasp. Something to give this nebulous feeling form.]

I suppose this is... nostalgic.

[Looking down to the metal tubing of fingers entwined over his chest, Hajime wondered if it really could be called fine.

He doesn't know a whole lot about Zero, but what he does know is... tragic, at best. There's been a lot of putting the needs of others first, a lot of accepting terrible things on his own for the sake of a bigger picture.]

Well... I know how much you prefer to work alone. And I don't want to get in your way anymore.

Th-though... if I can ever do anything to make it up to you... all of it, I mean, that I... w-well, just... don't hesitate to ask.

[He can't much imagine anything Zero could need his help with, but he needs to put it out there. Just in case.]

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