inspirethefire | VOICE MAIL

Better side? What do you mean, Hajime?

[Perhaps she was too innocent to understand the impact of robotic bigotry, or perhaps she simply preferred to see the best in people. But Croire had been earnest in her words, and she floated up to perch on Hajime's forehead in curiosity, once again in his field of vision. She did like attention whenever she could get it.]

Do you mean because you were sad? And angry? But, Zero told me you felt that way because you were a good person...

[Being so entrenched in self-loathing made it easier to assume even the most genuine affection served only to disguise the disgust everyone surely felt. Even though she radiated pure acceptance, he had to figure he wasn't all that good at reading digital souls yet anyway. He must be seeing her wrong--until now, he hadn't seen her at all.]

I wanted to be a good person. I thought I was one... but I hurt people. I hurt them while thinking it was the right thing.

[Zero probably had to make a lot of excuses for him. After all they'd said to one another, surely it took a lot of justification to stick around. Maybe Zero felt responsible? He shouldn't.]

I don't know what I am anymore. Not good, and not a person.

Hmm? But... if you feel bad for doing something wrong when you were trying to do something right... that means you're still good. You just made a mistake.

[It was flawless logic. The reasoning was, perhaps, a little overly simplistic, but it reflected what she understood of people.

Zero was burdened with many bad things, lots of things that she wasn't sure she fully comprehended. When he made mistakes, thousands - sometimes millions of people suffered because of his failure. But he constantly strove forward to make up for it somehow, even if it felt futile. Zero was a good person, she was sure of it.]

You both have good hearts. That's why he's worried about you.

It, it's not that easy. I can't just... I can't just keep saying I'm still good, just because I feel bad. That doesn't make up for, for everything that...

[He pulled his knees in tighter.]

Zero... he tried to warn me. I didn't listen. I didn't trust him. He shouldn't be stuck with my mess because of that.

Then move forward until you can. That's what we do. You can't fix anything cooped up like this!

[Speaking of which, Croire was supposed to check up on Hajime's systems to make sure everything was in working order. She drifted off his head until she was hovering right in front of him.]

Even if he seems scary, Zero's already forgiven you, Hajime. That's why he told me to take care of you.

[Then, the little ball of light that was Croire flew into Hajime's chest, seemingly dissolving inside him. Her spirit touched his from beyond the physical form, tapping into his innate connection to cyberspace in order to magnify his power with hers. Immediately, a newfound boost of vitality surged through Hajime. Her aura enhanced his body's physical capabilities with almost instant optimization as she combed through the data that flowed through him.

It had only been a few years about that cyber-elf technology was so limited that using an elf's power meant expending their life energy entirely. Their very creation was tied to sacrifice. Yet even now, with the expanse of Croire's abilities removing the need to spend her life, her spirit still shone with selflessness and acceptance.

Her voice was a chime from inside him.] Running diagnostic. Please excuse me!

Whaa^{aa^aaaaauuh??}

[His whole being buzzed with her integration, energy coursing through him via her presence. It should have felt invasive, an unfamiliar being directly phasing into him and filling him with her own power, but it simply felt... more.

In that moment, he could catch a glimpse of the proper potential this body offered him; its strength, its energy, its resources. For what limits he'd lost, new ones had been pushed back entirely.]

Croire... wh^{at are y}ou... h-hang on a _sec...

[As a brand new model, Hajime's systems were largely in working order, though running at a reduced capacity. His refusal to sleep had stretched his energy resources and processing power to a minimum, and he'd strained a his joints a little through unfamiliarity--nothing to cause a problem yet, but something to be mindful of. His processors were strained from catching themselves in a looping paradox of intent and result, occupying themselves from any further integration.]

[While she couldn't refill his energy, Croire could fix the processor strain. As a cyberspace entity, she could rewrite certain bits of code, essentially reprogramming reality itself - albeit on a small scale. Perhaps it would be enough to free up the computing power to help push him out of this self-fueling logic loop he'd trapped himself in. Of course, it was out of her power to alter his actual thinking. That was still something Hajime had to choose for himself.]

Hajime, I've optimized your processor, but I recommend you recharge soon. If you'd like, I can induce dreamlessness by limiting your background memory processing in sleep mode. Otherwise, you may run out of power.

[It wass hard to place exactly what that shift did, but he could undeniably feel it: something opening up, with nothing quite right in organic biology to quantify it. Maybe finally releasing a buildup of gas, but that didn't... that didn't feel right.]

Aaah... That's... I d^{on'^turrk}

[His processors whirred as the pressure released. Yeah. Like a roboburp.]

U-um. I don't like... I mean, shutting down, or... or whatever to call it... I... it doesn't feel right.

[Hajime didn't like sleeping? That was pretty weird. Maybe it was because he didn't like the vulnerability of being shut off?]

Hm? Don't worry! I won't let anything happen to you while you're asleep!

Here, let me help you do it!

[CROIRE NO]

N-no! No, please don't, it--I don't... it, it feels... it feels like I... I'm just gone, while... and it...

It scares me.

But if you don't sleep, you'll run out of power and shut down for real.

[Hmmm... Oh, she had an idea! Croire floated out of Hajime's body (so tingly) and back into his frame of vision.]

I know! Zero has a recharging bed and a lot of energy crystals. You can use that!

[Oh man, give him a second, it's like he just had a go on one of those state fair foot massagers. Not bad, but intense.]

I... I don't know...

[In the dim light she cast off, he eyed the door of the closet.]

Zero... he's... your friend, right...?

Yes!

[Croire nodded enthusiastically, her eyes lighting up.]

We've been together since Dr. Ciel completed developing me. He raised me and named me. He says Croire means 'to believe.' Isn't it a good name?

[Well, she certainly didn't take after his personality.]

Yes.... that's a wonderful name.

[It certainly made it hard for him to imagine her being there in some of their past conversations. They certainly made for an interesting pair.]

Did you... did you know his partner?

[Croire blinked owlishly, and tilted her head.]

No... he's been gone a long time. But, if his spirit exists in cyberspace somewhere, then maybe I can still meet him one day! I'd like to. He sounds like a really nice person.

His spirit...

[Hajime went quiet for a long stretch, thinking hard on that word. Finally, he loosened his grip on his knees, just a little.]

Croire... thank you. You've been very helpful. Could you do one last thing for me?

[Oh! Excited to be able to do something else for Hajime, Croire bobbed up and down eagerly.]

Yes! I'm here to help!

...Could you go tell Zero I'm sorry?

[He knows he needs to say it himself, to his face, but... ugh. He feels like such a child.]

[That was easy enough. Croire nodded dutifully and zipped away, through the closet door and out to where Zero had been leaning against the wall, to deliver the message.

Of course, she didn't need to - Zero was a pretty good listener, after all. And there wasn't much else to do while he was waiting for some sign from inside the closet. The kid was ashamed, depressed, uncertain and scared of his new body. All pretty understandable things, in the wake of all that had happened. He knew he couldn't take that weight away from Hajime - just one of many things that were out of his control. But that didn't mean it was going to dissuade the reploid from trying to help however he could, one step at a time.

Slowly, the opened the door and wordlessly extended a hand out to Hajime. And while his expression was as stoic as it ever was, the soul he housed pulsed brightly with faith. It was a calm, steady spark that carried itself with steadfast conviction, despite its wounded aura. No matter what Hajime had said to him in the past, Zero still held onto his trust in his partner, his dream, and in humankind. And that meant the trust was extended to Hajime as well, no matter what his form.

He was just never that good with words, is all.]

[If the best of people had trouble interpreting Zero's thoughts, Hajime was of no use at all, in no small part due to months of outright disregard. After what had happened on the ship, though, he could make his guesses as to what came next: irritation, impatience, disgust... pity, at absolute best.

The hand reached out to him, and he stared at it. Zero had so many reasons, practical and personal, not to bother himself with Hajime. There were so many better things to do.

Hajime took the hand, clumsily getting back to his feet. Still, he pulled back once standing, shrinking against the mops and rags. Though Zero was much shorter, Hajime felt so much smaller.

His vocal processor crackled when he spoke. "Thank you."

[Though his thanks weren't necessary, if Hajime wished to give them, Zero would accept it. With a small nod, he acknowledged the words and all that it took for the roboticized student to say them.]

It's fine.

[Then, he took a step to leave, and glanced back over at Hajime to follow him.]

Come.

[It was a firm request, though his tone wasn't harsh. Zero wasn't going to leave him to his own devices until Hajime was in proper functioning shape.]

[It wasn't fine. The thanks were the absolute least Hajime ought to give Zero. Enough had happened by now, it hardly felt like enough.

Zero wasn't the sort to waste time arguing about what recognition he deserved, though. He had bigger things to do than be appreciated. It was... a selfless way of being. Old, deep-rooted biases still murmured of programming.

Finally, Hajime stepped out into the hallway, still shrunk in on himself, but ready to follow. He could see, now, how much faith Zero had in others. Maybe he just didn't have much for himself.]

[Once he was certain Hajime would follow, Zero lead him away from the broom closet and down the hall, not once looking back at him. They walked in tense, awkward silence - though for the reploid, 'tense, awkward and silent' more or less summed up his day to day existence. He'd grown accustomed to it, and was as comfortable with this state of being as he could manage.

It didn't take long for them to reach his room. Zero opened the door and gestured over to the charging bed with a tilt of his head. Hajime was going to have to figure out how to do this sooner or later. Might as well be now.]

Sit down.

[~~yes, come to his bed, he will teach you the ways of your body~~

Awkward tense silence was better than awkward tense forced conversation, at least by a little. Following someone else suited him just fine for now.

Still, in his limited experience, the charging bed reminded him more of something that experiments lay on, in movies and things, or maybe a dentist office. Something ought to be rising from it stiffly, an amalgam of madness and misplaced intentions.

Hajime did sit, albeit with tightly clasped hands and LED eyes darting around nervously. Robot stuff, man, it's all electricity and wires and power tools, right??????]

[Zero looked over at Croire, who floated faithfully behind him, and gave her slight nod. Despite the subtlety of the gesture, she knew exactly what he wanted - after being together so long, she was completely accustomed to the smallest detail of his body language. Her body broke down into shining fragments of data as she downloaded herself into his helmet, and sent what data she had on Hajime's body directly into his head.

Zero was no mechanic, but he at least understood the basics of the analysis she sent him. Where to plug Hajime in for recharging, for one. Look at that, built in cords. He'd have to adjust the recharging bed's power to accommodate his specs, but luckily, the student was fairly compatible to crystal energy.

He walked over to the console beside the bed to input the new settings, before reaching for a cable to connect to Hajime's headband cords.]

Try to relax.

[Words spoken in vain, but it felt like Zero was obligated to say something before he plugged Hajime into the machine. He did his best to be careful, at least - no yanking of the head or sudden movements. Zero could only hope that Hajime would react well to the sudden surge of energy.]

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